#PitchWars: My Wishlist

Man, I thought writing my bio was hard. I'm going to be mentoring in the Adult and New Adult categories, and I wanted to just be like,

Original art © Allie Brosh*

But I was pretty sure that would rate a disapproving look from Brenda and, perhaps, shunning by the other mentors. So then I decided to look at the agents' websites to see what they wanted to see as well as the Agent and Editor Wishlist Tumblr. I managed to narrow it down to Some of the Things.

Here's what I don't want: no horror, cannibalism, evil zombies, incest, child abuse, animal abuse, pedophilia, necrophilia, or anything that goes beyond taboo and into despicable. I also do best with books that have a happy ending, whether it be happy forever or happy for right now. The book can be full of struggles and angst, so long as I have the comfort of knowing everything will turn out all right by the end. 

Moving onto my area of expertise, I am best with romances (big shocker there, huh?) and, more specifically, paranormals. I do read pretty much anything that has a romantic element in there somewhere, regardless of overall genre. However, if you have something that you think isn't my usual fare, but you're sure I'm the perfect fit because Joss Whedon is your Master too, submit it to me anyway. 

Now, onto, my wishlist with specifics (these are my dream plots; if you have any romance-y book, please consider submitting to me!):

My 'I Wanna Read This' Wishlist

• Urban fantasy along the lines of Ilona Andrews or Patricia Briggs, but with a different twist. Also, a modern-day Buffy book, complete with quirky humor.
• Thriller/Mystery/Romantic Suspense/Military Romance centering on a realistic plot ripped from today's headlines like global warming, genetically modified foods, superstorms, or honeybee extinctions. 
• Magical Realism Contemporary, something like Eureka, but where it's magic instead of technology. 
• Contemporary NA that focuses more on the college side of life or a long-distance relationship where they email during the semesters and reconnect during breaks. 
• Science-Fiction with strong female characters and ethnically diverse characters. Think Voyager's cast with TNG's storylines. 
• Contemporary NA involving a quarter-life crisis.
• Steampunk set in America, where things diverged after Ben Franklin discovered electricity. 
• Any paranormal romance, but it shouldn't feel like a clone of what's already been published. 
• In any commercial genre, a book inspired by a gender-swapped fairy-tale. For example, a gender-swapped, sci-fic, Cinderella: He's the lowly grunt on his step-father's ship and she's the highly-decorated captain looking for a second in command. A fantasy-esque Swan Princess: He's cursed by the sorcerer because the Big Bad wants the heroine for himself, but she says F that and sets off on an epic quest to rescue the hero. 
• Erotica. I would love a true mmf menage, a la Lauren Dane's Laid Bare. Also, something with a risque edge to it, like exhibitionism or voyagerism. I'd particularly like to see a NA erotica, but all parties should definitely be over eighteen and, to be the most marketable, they should ideally be at least twenty. No bestiality or water sports please. MM or FF is fine, but I don't have a lot of experience with FF materials. 
• Contemporary romance where the main couple are/were contestants on a Voice-type reality show and their relationship starts to develop during filming, or if they were child contestants together twenty years ago and reconnected during a reunion special. 
• Space Western, i.e. Firefly in book form, but it shouldn't read like Firefly fanfiction. 
• A 'contemporary' that is set fifty years from now and is futuristic without being dystopian. 

I'm going to stop myself here because I could go on. In general, I'm looking for something I haven't read before. I've read over 300 books this year alone so I want something fresh with an unique voice. I'd also prefer books that aren't completely white-washed.  I live in white suburbia where there wasn't a single black person in my graduating high school class, but I still have people of various ethnicities, and sexual orientation for that matter, in my life. I'm not saying I want cultural stereotypes, just not a book full of straight white people. The only exception here is if your book is a historical or has some other setting where cultures wouldn't mix. 

I hope between the wishlist and my bio, you now have an idea if I could be the mentor for you. Follow Brenda's blog for more details on how to submit when submissions open on December 2nd. In the meantime, if you have any general, non-pitchy, questions, the comments are open! 

*Graphic was taken from Allie's hilarious Hyperbole and a Half blog entry, This is Why I'll Never Be an Adult, This entry was also reprinted in Allie's book, Hyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things That Happened. I gave it 5 stars on GoodReads. 

SECRET LETTER: T

#PitchWars Bio: A few of my favorite things

I thought a lot about what to write in my bio since I am a lady of mystery. Then I realized that this is really an exercise in compatibility. It's like when contestants have to pick a judge on The Voice. Belters and Divas go with Christina. Quirky and Unusual go to Cee-lo. Country goes to Blake. Rockers go to Adam. It doesn't really matter where any of them are from, it matters what their areas of expertise are, on who will 'get' the contestant the best. So my bio is going to be focused on the things that, I feel, will best indicate whether or not we'd be compatible as mentor and mentee.

Professional Experience: I worked at Borders Books and Music for nearly a decade before the chain went under. I spent five of those years as a romance expert, a program run by the romance buyers. From there, I transitioned in academia and I now work in a university library. In addition to the library, in 2012, I was selected to be an intern for Literary Agent Boss and then she promoted me to assistant, which I've been for the last six months.

What's My Critique Style: Professional but blunt. I try to highlight the positive, but I am definitely going to mention the not-so positive. My goal is to help you grow, to become better than you already are, not to encourage you to stay the same.

Must-See TV: There are season passes on my DVR for The Voice, Sleepy Hollow, Castle, NCIS (original and LA), Hawaii Five-O, Bones, Haven, Grimm, Once Upon a Time, Person of Interest, S.H.I.E.L.D., Elementary, Switched at Birth, and Supernatural. I was a huge fan of Leverage & Veronica Mars before they were canceled, The Big Bang Theory before they made Sheldon a caricature rather than a person, anything that had Joss Whedon's name on it, and the first season of Glee. Oh, and the original Primeval, Dark Angel, and Kim Possible. I also wrote fanfic for Roswell, Stargate: Atlantis, and Wolf Lake.

Auto-Buy Authors: Shelly Laurenston/G.A. Aiken, Dana Marie Bell, Ilona Andrews, Patricia Briggs, Nalini Singh, Thea Harrison, JD Robb, Jayne Castle, Gena Showalter, Kristen Ashley, Kate SeRine, and Robin D. Owens.

Auto-Read Authors: Nora Roberts, Jayne Ann Krentz/Amanda Quick, Alyssa Day, Tamora Pierce, Jean Johnson, Jill Shalvis, Julia Quinn, Vivian Arend, Lauren Dane, and countless others.

Selection of my Favorite Books: Rose in Bloom by Louise May Alcott, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J. K. Rowling, Pegasus in Flight by Anne McCaffrey, Heart Dance by Robin D. Owens, Visions of Heat by Nalini Singh, Oracle's Moon by Thea Harrison, Law Man by Kristen Ashley, Written in Blood by Anne Bishop, and Conspiracy in Death by JD Robb

Favorite Music: Country and Top 40 Pop

Favorite Movies: The Hunger Games, The Avengers, Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog, Star Trek (2009), Meet the Robinsons, all three Lion King movies, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Live Free or Die Harder, and America's Sweethearts.

Least favorite holiday: Easter

Favorite 80s Cartoon: She-Ra, Princess of Power

Favorite season: Winter. I love snow.

Biggest Real World Pet Peeve: Inconsiderate people, especially people who don't use their blinkers.

Biggest Literary Pet Peeve: Authors who mix up discreet and discrete.

Stuff I Collect: Autographed books, nail polish (I went a little berserk this year), Disney vinylmations, baking recipes, and ticket stubs.

Dream Vacation: All expenses paid trip to either a Disney resort or the United Kingdom (I'd love to see Scotland and the Harry Potter Studio Tour).

Favorite spots in the City (aka Manhattan): The Strand, Books of Wonder, Cosi's, and American Museum of Natural History. I am not a big City person. Too many people too close together. I prefer my home in the suburb.

Apple vs PC: I prefer Apple for my mobile technology, but I'm a PC girl for my desktop and laptop computing.


I could go on, but I hope that's enough to give you an idea of who I am. If you're curious about anything, comment! Click on the linky to see the other mentors and go here for my wishlist.

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#PitchWars: The Agents!

Let's be real. While getting feedback from pretty phenomenal people is positively a plus, primarily Pitch Wars (Couldn't resist; I'm done now) is about getting your work in front of agents. I am pleased as punch (hee) to announce the 18 agents who will descend on the hosting blogs on January 22nd to request away. In no particular order:

1. Louise Fury - Bent Agency
2. Suzie Townsend - New Leaf Literary
3. Nicole Resciniti - The Seymour Agency
4. John M. Cusick - The Greenhouse Agency
5. Sarah LaPolla - Bradford Literary Agency
6. Victoria Marini - Gelfman Schneider Literary Agency
7. Jessica Sinsheimer - Sarah Jane Freymann Literary Agency
8. Pam van Hylckama Vlieg - Foreword Literary
9. Quinlan Lee - Adams Literary
10. Jen Udden - Donald Maass Literary Agency
11. Emily Keyes - Foreword Literary
12. Brianne Johnson - Writers House
13. Carly Watters - P.S. Literary
14. Lana Popovic and Natasha Alexis - Zachary Shuster Harmsworth
15. Molly Jaffa - Folio Literary Management
16. Evan Gregory - Ethan Ellenberg Literary Agency
17. Stefanie Lieberman - Janklow & Nesbit Associates
18. Rena Rossner - The Deborah Harris Agency

#PitchWars: What Else I Don't Want to See

I posted two weeks ago about the importance of eliminating typos from your manuscript before submitting it to Pitch Wars. Today, I thought I'd talk about what else I don't particularly want to see.

1. Song lyrics: You can mention the band or the album, so long as you're not using it a negative context, but the lyrics themselves are copyrighted. In order to use copyright material within your book, the publisher would have to pay for it. If your main characters are in a band, you need to come up with original lyrics for them to sing, not a cover. And while we're on this topic, use of trademarks and brand names can be tricky as well. The blog post Can I Mention Brand Name Products in My Fiction? discusses this in a very clear manner. In addition, while it's from 2003, I also recommend reading the three part Intellectual Property and Its Uses series from Lori L. Lake: Part One, Part Two, Part Three. 


2. Prologues: I'll be honest, as a reader, I never particularly cared if there was a prologue or not. I'd read it if it was there, but I was never like, 'Oh, you know what this book should have had? A prologue.' However, the more experience I get while wielding the Red Pen of Doom, the more I've come to dislike the use of prologues. The only time I feel prologues are kosher is when they are setting up a series (see Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone or Anne McCaffrey's Dragonflight) or necessary to establish an immediate emotional reaction in the reader. Most readers will not be picking up your book blind. They will have read a description or back blurb. If your blurb says, 'After being kidnapped by angels as a child, seventeen year-old Jonathan has resigned himself to life as a prisoner," my first thought is not 'How did they kidnap him?,' but 'Why did they kidnap him? Angels are supposed to be the good guys!' If your prologue focuses on the actual kidnapping, chances are the book is going to feel like it opens slowly because you're not telling me what I want to know. If the prologue is from the angels' POV just before or after the kidnapping and I get that feeling of 'dun dun DUNNN,' that's a different story. When in doubt, ask yourself how many books in your genre have prologues? In the category I'd like to see (*coughCommercialFictionLikeRomancecough*), prologues are not very common. 


3. RTF files: I hate reading .RTF files. They crash my iPad. So if you're interested in submitting to me, please, for the love of whatever you hold holy, send a .doc file. While we're on the subject, when Brenda announces the agents, check out their submission guidelines. Some may have specific guidelines as to how they want things sent to them and knowing ahead of time will prevent you from scrambling to convert something if you get a request.  Oh, and while I'm being picky, I prefer New Times Roman over Courier. 


4. Ginormous Word Counts: Anything over 100k is suspect and the higher the word count goes, the more I think massive editing will be needed without having read a word. You may be all, 'well, Harry Potter was huge, so it's okay that mine is long too.' No, no, it's not. The Harry Potter books gradually got longer. The page lengths basically corresponded with the skyrocketing sales. Since you are entering Pitch Wars, you are likely a debut author and it's unlikely an editor is going to look at your 150k word count & go 'I'm sure every word is essential to the book.' Even if you think you may self-publish or that your book is perfect for an epub, a huge word count is still problematic. An ebook's pricing is determined by its word count. Higher word count, higher pricing. If you're convinced that nothing can be cut, look for a place where the manuscript can be split in half. A 150k manuscript can be turned into two 75k books and now you have a potential series on your hands. Bree Ogden discusses word count from an agent's perspective here.


5.  A Genre I Didn't Ask For: While I'm not supposed to tell you my wishlist yet, I can tell you that I don't want to see horror. I am not a horror person so even if you're the next Stephen King, I will probably be too busy hiding under my covers to recognize your brilliance. I will also not be open to certain erotic fetishes, like scatology, incest, golden showers, full-on sadism, or pedophilia. If you are writing a heart-breaking, gut-wrenching, book dealing with child sexual abuse, that is one thing, but anything that portrays it as 'okay' is not something that I want to be involved in, ever. Same thing goes for animal abuse. There will be 46 mentors open for applications and you can only choose four of them to submit to. Read the wishlists carefully and make sure you're submitting to someone that you feel will genuinely appreciate your work. 

Today's the 20th, so you have forty-three days left to whip your manuscript into shape by the December 2nd submission deadline. Get cracking! 

All opinions expressed are mine alone and should not be associated with or attributed to anyone else. 

Review: Hyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things That Happened

Hyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things That Happened by Allie Brosh

My rating: 5 of 5 stars



Snagged from NetGalley.

I made the mistake of reading this while eating lunch. I alternately choked or sprayed food due to fits of laughter. Luckily, my co-workers have grown enured to my antics.

This isn't organized in any shape or form. About half of it, like it says in the blurb, is reprinted from Allie's blog; specifically, the first five on the 'Best Of' sidebar. I was hoping for the Alot strip, but sadly, it's missing. I think they specifically went for the longer stories, but there were only two pages out of the 374 without any illustrations and it was almost jarring to see them after prolonged giggling at Allie's art.

Actually, I just went back and skimmed my way through the blog, and I think they chose strips that didn't make Allie seem...how to put this...disturbed. The post, Wolves, for example, cracked me up again until I was practically under my desk, trying to muffle the laughter. However, I think some people, like those who ban books for example, might take issue with the idea of a pack of six year old girls (the "wolves") repeatedly hunting down a thirteen year old boy (the "deer"). The comics in Hyperbole and a Half focus more on topics that are mainstream relate-able.

In addition to the new content (I took the time to search, half of the book really is new), Allie also expanded some blog posts. Dinosaur, for example, is a funny blog post about an invading goose, but Allie has added new illustrations that elevates it to a hilarious, dribble-your-lunch-down-your-chest-because-you're-laughing, tale. There are more introspective moments, as well. Adventures in Depression is there as well as a new narrative about identity.

If you're a fan of the blog, you won't be disappointed and, personally speaking, I'm glad I've already pre-ordered my copy. If you haven't read any of Hyperbole and a Half yet, I'm sorry, I don't think we can be friends.

#PitchWars: What I Don't Want to See

It's official! Brenda has announced the 47 mentors who will be participating in the 2014 Pitch Wars events. As you know, I am one of the 47, billed as 'Intern Lioness.' Technically, if we're going by titles, I'm now 'Assistant Lioness,' but close enough. As per Brenda, I'm not allowed to post what I'd be open to (*coughcough* Romance *coughcough*) or anything about myself, so I thought I'd talk about what I don't want to see. 

TYPOS. 

If I see typos in your pitch or 250, it makes me wonder how many typos are going to be in your manuscript. After all, you know that you are being judged on your pitch and 250, therefore, presumably you have gone over it with a fine tooth comb. So if typos have escaped that fine toothed comb, that tells me that you didn't look closely enough, didn't care enough to self-edit, or aren't experienced enough to recognized the typos. Your writing is going to have to be pretty damn compelling to make me overlook the presence of typos. 

I give you five of the most common typos I've seen:

1. DISCREET vs DISCRETE: This is my biggest pet peeve. Ever. Discreet means to say or do something quietly, prudently. Discrete means separate, distinct. Here's how to tell them apart. Discrete is a mathematical term. Greece is the birthplace of mathematics. Crete is an island in Greece. So, disCRETE = math. If you want to refer to separate objects, like individual numbers (hence the math reference), use discrete. If you want to indicate someone did something on the down-low, use discreet. 


2.  IT'S vs ITS: One is the contraction for 'it is,' the other means something belong to an intimate object. You can figure out which one to use by reading the sentence out loud, using 'it is.' For example, "The robot waved its arms," should be read as "The robot waved it is arms."  Obviously, in this case, you want to use the possessive term, not the contraction. So, the thing to remember is 'no is, no apostrophe.' This also works for YOU'RE vs YOUR.


3. PUNCTUATION IN QUOTES: Periods go inside the quotation marks. If you're quoting a quote, it's single quotes inside double quotation marks. If you're ending or beginning the sentence with a dialogue tag, the quote ends with a comma, i.e. "The road was red dirt," she said or She said, "The road was red dirt." However, if the quote is being followed by another sentence, the quote ends in a period or exclamation point, i.e. "The road was red dirt!" She stared at the truck's tires. 


4. ALOT vs A LOT: A lot is two separate words. Always. I refer you to Hyperbole and a Half if you want to know what an "alot" is. 


5. PLURAL POSSESSIVE: If something belongs to a group, the apostrophe goes on the outside of the 's.' For example, the house belonging to the Smith family would be the Smiths' house. An object belonging to John Angelos would be John Angelos's object, since there is only one John Angelos. For more apostrophe rules, this is an excellent site. 

For more grammar tips, I recommend the Purdue OWL. It was used as part of my training in college and I still consult it when I need a refresher. 

Submissions open on December 2nd, so you have fifty-seven days left to get your manuscript in tippy-top shape. 

#PitchWars? What is it good for?

Maybe absolutely nothing. Maybe absolutely everything.

Pitch Wars, for those who don't know, is an event created by Brenda Drake for writers who are unagented and are shopping an unpublished manuscript. You can go here for last year's rules.  It's sort of billed as a contest, but it's really a networking event. Basically, you, the writer, sends in a sample of your work, the judges/moderators fish out the ones they like the best, and then everything's posted on a series of blogs for industry peeps, mainly agents, to peruse. What makes Pitch Wars different from Pitch Madness is that there are mentors who select an author to work with so that they end up with the best possible manuscript.

I'm mentoring this year.

I wanted to mentor because I think Brenda's Pitch events are a great way to be exposed to a lot of different authors and writing styles. It's like one-stop shopping for agents. However, I see manuscripts all the time in my boss's slush that are good, but that still need a lot of editing before they are submission ready.  If I pick you for Pitch Wars, I can pretty much guarantee you'd get extensive revision notes. In nearly eighteen months that I've been working for my boss, I've only come across one manuscript, out of hundreds, that I didn't feel needed significant edits.

So what does this mean for you?

Well, the mentors will be posting in late November about what categories  and genres they will be accepting. I don't think it will shock anyone to learn that I'll be looking for romances, all sub-genres, as well as something with an unique concept and voice, probably in the Adult or New Adult categories. However, if last year's rules carry over to this year, you'll be able to apply to three mentors, so I'd probably be also open to fantasy, urban fantasy, and light science-fiction, preferably humorous. I believe you'll be able to apply in the beginning of December, which basically means you have two months to put your manuscript through the wringer and fine-tune your query/pitch.

Take advantage of CPseek and Absolute Writer. Get beta-readers and critique partners who don't love you to pieces. Join Twitter if you haven't already and participate in the #PitchWars hashtag. Follow the mentors and get to know what they might be looking for so you can apply strategically (If you're not following Brenda already, you should be). Several people did pitch critiques before Pitch Madness. Read through the entries/comments and see if anything can be applied to your work.

My boss has signed several clients after Pitch events and getting an agent can absolutely be considered the brass ring, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy the ride. Participate in Pitch Wars for the community and for the connections. Being selected for a mentor's team may mean your manuscript will get an audience, but just being a part of Pitch Wars could mean getting better.

It should go without saying, but if you feel you don't need to get 'better' and that every word of your manuscript is precious gold, Pitch Wars is probably not the event for you.

For everyone else, start getting ready. Pitch Wars is coming...




All opinions expressed are mine alone and should not be associated with or attributed to anyone else.